Kuchh dard abhi bhi baaki hai inn aankhon mai

Khaalipann ab bhi apna ehsaas dilaata hai,

Saans larkhara kar chalti hai kabhi kisi samay,

Dil siskiyon se kisi kone mai aaj bhi gungunaata hai.

Kuchh khaamoshi, kahin koi shor,

Aaj bhi door tak koi sunaaye deyti nahin

Ab bhi tanhaayee meree,

Apne hone kaa wajood bayaan karti hai

Kuchh kho to gayaa hai...

Jaise shayad kuchh tham sa gayaa hai...

Aaj fir sab kuchh anjaana,

Yeh baareesh bhi apni si ab lagti nahin.

Naa hi kabhi samajh sakaa,

Kuchh khwaab hote hain khwaab hi rehne ke liye

Sheeshe ke jaam jab tootte hain, unke aayine mai

Apni hi haar nazar aati hai.

Kab tak naa samjhoonga,

Kab fir se main apnaa ho paaunga

Kis more par meree raah fir muskuraayegi,

Kis raat ke chaand mai,

Yeh dil meraa fir se shor kareygaa?

Kuch aur nahin,

Aaj main khood ko maangta hoon,

Shayad ab yeh jindagi tabhi muskarayegi,

Jab main khood us Khuda ko maang loonga

Sometimes in life !!!

Sometimes in life,
Things do look hazed,
Condensed and brittle appear.

One touch and it may fall,
One shake and it break.
With one hand,
You hold the handle of the jar.

So fragile it may appear,
Still struggling hard,
"I have to keep it intact :("
Harder I tried,
And I shattered the glass to shards.

Shards which may bleed you,
Hurt you for now but remain there,
As a scar which you may not hide,
Or expect them to heal right away.

There will be a corner around,
"But where?"

A question with no answers,
And then so many answers,
Still no colour seems right,
Shall the grass be painted blue,
Or sky some bright red?

I then with this crying heart,
I Ask myself, where is the resolve left?
To breathe or to walk or to continue.
I should just sleep on this wet trail,
Waiting for the peace to return.

My heart commands,
You can't sleep so peacefully,
You are so condemned by me.
That you can't have such a peaceful death.

Sometimes in life,
You can just watch,
With no words of your own.
You can't even protest,
Neither you can save yourself.

Someday in my life...
And I wish my Heart not to stop me then...

Venom Spit / Sweet Medicine

How to start, where to start.
Been thinking for so long now. Should write something... Should say something.
But what I am suppose to say when I am right now, not at all actually in shape to say anything. What if I say something, will I be spitting poison or administer some sweet medicine. Either way, I just can't be a normal guy with normal dreams. What is the fun in being just a normal or so called MANGO (common) People. Heck, even Mangoes are not that cheap these days.

Been in love opens so much of Horizon. So many dreams, all start to focus on one aim "To give your Love some meaning". Some realization... some just don't try hard.
Some one must be that great who has once said "If you love somebody, let him/her go. If she comes back to you, she was meant for you, otherwise she never was yours." I know he was great. But I am not a normal guy so how can I become a great Sage. How can I let her go when I know that if she will leave me, there will be nothing left. I may be able to move on, but won't I be looking at those suspiciously who will say "I love you". I will miss something always... and that missing won't be such a great idea. I may change everything about me, my location, my style. But at the end, I will remain the same. I am sure will try hard to accept the truth. I do, sometime but all worked up.

Love to me never came naturally. It was all surrounded by surprizes.
For many Love is just a game. Not for me. For many Love is just a mask for deriving some pleasure, mostly physical. Not for me. For many, Love is just a distraction away from their monotonous life. Not for me.

How do I put it. I want everything and am one hell of greedy ass. Life for me was not so colorful before... and its not now as well. I wanted to paint my life which is just a plain canvass. All white and some dirty spots here and there. I never tried to hide those spots. But what wrong in coloring them so that I can atleast try to remove those stains. I should chose the right brush and paints as well.

Fine, I expect a lot. Shall I not? Oh K another great soul told me once, donot expect anything from anyone. sigh, He never lost expectations from me. Yeah that is ideal situation, Stop Expecting from others if you don't wanna be hurt. But then, still I am not a Sage. I am not normal either.

I don't know if I am faithful or trust worthy. No I am not... I can't be trusted upon. ummmm ooooppps I just realized as well that no one can as well put faith on me either.

Why I am writing this anyways? Am I insane or crazy. So much of Nebulous emotions pouring here and there in my mind. Some makes me feel guilty, some makes me feel irritated. Some do make me angry and some make me take a pity on myself. Some make me realize nothing is worth in my life. Some persuades me to go on. Some asks me,"is everything worth?" A wrong question and some makes me believe that it is worth. Some try to make me happy. Some try to make me sad. Some makes me smile. And worst some try even to make me cry when I had promised myself few years back that I won't cry. Shit, I am breaking my own promises made to myself.

With promise, there are so many promises I have broken. Won't hurt you, but I did. Won't smoke, but I continued to smoke (Hold on, I did try my best, but then I lost the motivation on the way). I will always smile, but I can't. When you are hurt, U can only force the smile which I don't like to or that will make me look professional dealing with some other for professional relationship.

And worst part is, when you are hurt, there is just no body whom U can solace from. Not even the person you love wants to be around you cuz of fear that in return I may hurt them. Wow... a nice Tit - for - Tat situation. Hurt me I will hurt you back. ooo Kiss me I will kiss you back.

And what should I do if I see things repeating Again and Again. Again and Again. Again and Again. Again and Again. The same thing that irritates me, I see them happening Again and Again. Again and Again. And then people do know that the reasons whatever be, may be upsetting me... still they under the full knowledge, do it. Then a Sorry. Sorry a beautiful word which can make things right always... but then saying Sorry and not even realizing it, makes this S word just a worthless shit. Same like if you hit somebody, say Sorry. Hit him again and Say Sorry again and then Thank You / Sorry becomes the same. Thanks Sir, for allowing me to say Sorry. Before and Afterward nothing. I can't just ignore it. After all am abnormal.

And at the end, what is the meaning of all this. Its just a game. Not for me. Ohh but it is important more then any person. Not for me. Enjoy playing this game, which is known as Game of Life and I know if I will play, I will hurt so many... U are allowed to play with anyone. Oh U can play. Play the way u like. Bend the person... bend me. You are allowed to hurt, ohh hurt me.

After all I am in Love... Love is suppose to be a mix of all emotions. I am allowed to be loved and hated as well. I am allowed to smile and cry as well. I am allowed to get angry at the same time I am expected to shower Love. I am allowed to vent out but when I do. Sigh.

Love is just not easy. But it is worth fighting for. Love: Sacrifice, Forgiveness.

I just wanted to vent. I know mostly I spitted venom here. But am tired of keeping my emotions at bay. Worst part is, I still don't know what this will bring to me. And I know I have just disgraced the Emotions of Love. Am Sorry and I mean it.

Who am I?

Yesterday, I was having my own moment. Moments deep in thoughts. So many thoughts were zooming by, coming to me and then taking their own course and vanish somewhere. But one thought lingered on.
Who am I?
If I want to talk to myself, what should I refer to? Should the conversation will go like this:
Hi Himanshu Shekhar, how are you doing? or Hey Himanshu, wass up? Or should I be saying, Neo wanna play with me or Hey Eon, lets discuss something?
What will I call my soul? Sometimes he plays with me like Neo or sometimes he talks to me as Eon. What is the name of my soul? These names are given by so many others. No one asked me before keeping these names. Though apart from Neo, as I was big fan of Matrix and I asked my new friends at my graduation to call me with this name. So Neo was also inspired and heard it somewhere. So what is my name? What is the name of my soul?
Or hell, what is the face of it either. My mind shows so many faces of it. Sometimes pure white sometimes mix of colors making me feel as it has been corrupted. Or sometimes pure black as if he has shut himself down from me. And sometimes it remain so open to me so that I can try to look inside it, what it want from me to do. If I can understand.
My soul says,

Hold it, Hold it.
Bear with me for few more moments,
That I will give you what you want.

I am giving you time,
That you can hear me clearly,
Do understand me please,
That is all I wish.

You want happiness I know,
But when am sad,
How will you get it anyhow?

Go ahead, walk down the road,
Be patient that you will have it.
Because there lies
What your heart seeks.

Don't be afraid,
I am with you always,
I am always around.

Just few more moments,
Don't ask how much,
It may be countless hours or days,
But please hold on.

I need you as much as,
You need me.
I also want to rise,
As much as you want to.

Keep looking at the horizon,
It may not be that clear right now,
That it use to be.
But you also know that its momentarily,
It will again get clear when those clouds will rain.

Soon the glaciers will melt down,
My rivers will again fill me with supplies,
And then rain is gonna arrive,
I will cleanse myself again.

Just some moments please,
And your goal will be clear.
I will guide you,
I will become your angel.

Thanks Soul. Thanks for being with me. I am also with you. Oh by the way, what is your name?
Again no answer.

Ghoul Inside

I turned the knob to unlock the door,
I stepped with fear inside.
The mirror on the opposite wall,
I can see my own reflection,
And it was nothing but a figure of ghoul.

I scream out,
What the hell?
Who am I?
Am I the Saint, a human,
Or just another avatar of a demon?

I want to run out of this room,
Is it haunted in itself?
Fear has gripped me in,
And I realize my legs just wont move.

The ghoul figure appears in front of me,
Possessing me, engulfing me in its dark aura.
Whispering in my ears, that am gonna be the devil now.
I scream for help,
I don't want to be a devil now.
But who is going to save me from myself?

The part of my soul which was Angel,
Is dissolving in the same poison,
That I have been so long brewing.
My Angel is going all green,
Soon it will fade away into nothingness.
I will become an Evil, which all will hate.

I don't want to be the Evil.
I don't either want myself to be a Saint.
I just want myself to be a Human.
I have to save myself somehow,
I just have to save myself somehow.

My heart begin pounding,
All the terrible thoughts appearing.
All my past memories, which made me bleed,
All resurrecting from their graves.

I don't want this,
I want to love and be loved,
All I want for myself is a happy soul.

Moon Walk

I have seen you,
Walking down those stairs.
From Megnus Star, with twinkling gems,
You stepped on the Moon floor graciously.

You walked over the moon,
Brushing your long feathers as you swayed.
You stopped, and with your twinkling blue eyes,
You look down and smiled.

I was looking at you,
My eyes got wet,
My heart cried out,
With rhythm of the joy.

I don't want to let you go Baby,
But I know you are my angel.
You are a blessing to me,
And I understand, someday you will go.

I will cry that day,
I will still let you go.
I will always love you,
I will stand under the same moon,
Waiting for you every night.

Rose Plant

This is a small story of a rose plant. Once a lady planted a small sapling of the rose plant on a small piece of Earth. That plant started to give out stems and was always trying to maintain a firm hold on the ground. He was happy and was feeling great. He was young, full of dreams and full of aspirations. What were his dream and aspirations no one knows. He started to give red roses (they were not beautiful as such). He always wanted to spread his fragrance and beauty. People started to like him. Some became his friends and he happily let them have one piece of his flowers to them. They use to come by and stop to be with him. And every time he use to listen to them and then give them one red rose every time. He was happy. He was overjoyed that he was able to help his folks.

One day, a stranger came to him. She was overjoyed to look at this young red rose plant. He became her friend and she started to take his flowers every time. This girl was different. She started frequenting him regularly. She uses to tend to him and water him regularly. And this young plant started to like her. She use to spend her countless of hours with him. He felt, like he is in his bliss. He was happy and all joyful. He started giving up more beautiful and fragrant roses. His previous friends were always there and they liked this new development with this red rose. His stems grew and his leaves became bigger. He knew, he has something which is helping him grow beautifully. But little he knew that instead of his own roots for water and own leaves for air, he gradually relying on this young lady. Because she uses to water him regularly, she use to spend her time with him giving him some air of her own and then when this plant needed some shed from the sun above, she was always there. When she doesn't use to visit him, he use to get restless and one could see that his red roses were not the usual. They were big but not tht beautiful. This plant was though unaware of this fact. One day, she left him. He didn't know what struck him.

His roots were not that strong now that he could consume water properly. His leaves started to wilt. His friends were still always there. They use to come to him regularly, remember. They felt something is wrong with their dear friend (The Rose Plant). They felt he now needs some water and some tending... So they use to do it regularly. Rose was again started to feel that he has some life left. He can grow again. But this time, it was different. He continues to give his roses to others but then there were also some thorns on the stem. Some who were not careful use to get their fingers pricked while those who were careful still use to have hard time taking one rose from the plant. This Rose plant was not happy at this development. And still his friends won't complain because they knew, with Roses there is always thorns attached.

Now he has recovered. His roots were strong again and his leaves were again full of life. And he came to know that he needs to give thorns along with his roses so that people can really enjoy the charm of the rose. What is the gain without a pain? What is the fun without the adventure?

Still he use to long for one person who can again make him feel what is actually a Love. Few days passed, days turns out to weeks and weeks to months and gradually months turned into years. He was still waiting, doing his usual chores, giving others his flowers and his fragrance, with some thorns.

His wait one day came to an end. He met one person, a complete stranger again. He somehow felt, there is something different about this one person. She doesn't come to him for his flowers or anything, but just his company. He started to like her and she use to spend her hours with him. She uses to tell him her happiness and her sorrows. She use to play with him and do crazy stuffs. This plant wanted to give her his red roses but she was reluctant to take one. He started to fell in love with her. But this time, he doesn't want to have the same fate that he had once suffered. So he was waiting. One day, she did took one flower from him and he was on the clouds. He showed her his love by shaking his petals on her. He shook his stem so that this girl can touch his stem and make him feel the warmth.

He said I love you to the girl in his own way. Girl understood and she hugged him regardless of the fact that those stems were still thorny. But then miracle of love was such that because of her love, those thorns just became so soft that she didn't got hurt. And u can imagine the wonder this Rose plant felt.

He was again blessed. And this time, he doesn't want to fail. Because he know, if this time he fails, no one will be able to help him again, and he will be left alone on the same soil for wilting and sad death. And this is the reason for his grief, his greed, his eagerness to spend some time with her. This is the reason that he cries when she is not near. This is the reason sometimes he feel neglected even though he knows in his heart that the girl is not neglecting. This is the reason; he always wants her to be with him. So that he can always give her his flowers sans thorns and keep her happy. This is the reason, he wants to believe that where there is a love, there is everything. And he want to make her believe that he is always there with her, no matter what and how. He is always there with same blooming Roses around. Some will wilt some will remain. What remain will be his love and his life. :)

-: Forbidden Heaven :-

-: Forbidden Heaven :-

The road I once strolled,
The barren land,
Cold and terrified,
I kept on walking

With roses around,
I forgot they have thorns attached.
The flying bits of feathers were beautiful,
I forgot, they will choke as well

The cold air rushed past my hair,
I can feel the chill cross my spine.
Little difference it makes now,
Whether I am dead or alive at the moment.

But I promise,
I will brave this tough road.
I won't choke,
I will bleed, bit won't cry
I will get hurt, but won't complain.

I now know this place,
I have been here before.
Forbidden heaven this place is.

Last time I failed myself,
This time I promise,
I will go to the end of the road.

I will find my destiny,
I believe.
I also will have my share of happiness.

My all wounds will heal,
My heart will once again beat,
To the rhythm of Love.

I will feel the fresh air again.
Gardens will be waiting, blooming,
And Birds will sing Song of the Souls.

And I will lay there,
In your arms my beloved,
On one of the dunes of this
Forbidden Heaven

He Was No Hero

He Was No Hero
----------------------------------
Here is the story of a boy,
Who was living a happy life,
Carefree what he believed,
Always with a Happy soul.

This story was suppose to continue,
With of course some bumps, High and lows,
Just like roller coaster ride,
Full of game all with good spirit.

But what is a story without twist,
If at end, will there be any Happy ending?

Our hero was seeking some solace,
A Soulmate with whom he will live his life fully.

He met a girl,
Whom he was not suppose to meet,
Never saw her before, never heard of her before.
Cupid struck, He was in love,
What he felt was an eternal bliss.

Girl responded, Said yes to our Hero,
Little our guy knew, was all a Game,
Not even a fair game,
Which at the end, he will definitely loose.

Slowly story was taking shape,
Hero thought she is all he need,
She is whom he wanted whole life,
She is what his destiny is.
With her, he was in heaven,
Paradise what he believed.

One day, it arrived,
The day, he never feared of,
She simply said,
She can't be with him.

He felt his world crumbling down,
He collapsed,
He tried his hard to save his Paradise,
But where was the Paradise to begin with?

He was left bleeding,
His heart was crying.
He felt blades from everywhere,
Slicing him, that he must pay,
Why he ventured into the forbidden.
He must be slain.

He was no Hero,
He was no Hero.

A Rainbow

I walk on a path,
Greeted by wet breeze,
Carrying aroma of wet monsoon soil,
Mesmerized I continue to walk past all the evil.

I see water dripping,
From the tip of leaves,
Rainbow that takes my Heart away,
Awestruck, I kept on watching the games, Nature played.

Rain started to drizzle,
Splashing my perspired face,
Let us dance before you,
Enjoy the moments while you rest.

Green grass standing on the wet soil,
Cushioning my feet as I walked upon them,
Taking away all my tiredness and pain from the journey,
That I had endured.

All the cosmos,
Singing before me,
Moon beaming upon me,
Stars twinkling as rub my eyes.
Breeze was singing, Wake Up.

Now I can start again,
I thought upon a mountain top,
So calm and peaceful I felt,
That I needed for so long.

Thanks for giving me some peace and rest,
Thanks for making my journey easy,
Is all I can say,
A request though,
Whenever I will feel lonely,
Please be with me,
Play your beautiful games,
Make a RAINBOW always for me.

Hey Builder, Hey Gardener.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Well I thought, starting a day with good laugh is always helpful through out the day. Atleast a smile, should always be there on the face. It is said, Smile can conquer many difficult situations. And yes, please don't fake it, otherwise, smile will have no values in it.

Build/Plant:
As a Builder, person will plan the whole lay out of his construction, will start to build, and will keep on building, until the building is finished. He will make the foundation strong, pillars and walls will also be very defensive, so that outside force won't harm the inside. But then what, at the end, when he will finish up with the building, there will be nothing left for him to do. Life is just like those building for such persons who like to build. They will plan their life, will build defenses around them, so that no can hurt them. And gradually their life will wither away. At the end, they will lose interest in their life, because their will be nothing more to do with it apart from reinforcing the walls, some repair work, painting and some decoration.

Then their is another kind of person, who is gardener. He will sow the seed or sapling in the soil. Will take care of its every need, will add right amount of soil with right amount of manure. Will irrigate it and will observe it grow. He will try to protect the plant against strong winds and harsh climates. And while plant is growing, the gardener will also grow. Will learn from his experiences while he is taking care of that cute lil plant. Slowly, he will start to learn, about the need of the plant, and he will continue to love. And like this, the plant will grow, and will become the Tree, a strong tree which is no longer that small plant which used to live on the support of the gardener. He is a TREE now. He is now able to stand strong against Strongest Wind, Scorching Sun and Flooding Water. And guess what, he is now able to support and protect the very same Gardener who use to support him. He is now able to give back to the Gardener, Fruits so that the gardener can quench his hunger, Flowers so that he can impress his Soulmate, Hug when the gardener needs to be hugged.
Here, Life is just like that Tree, and we who live them, are tht Gardener.


So what you want to become,
Gardener or Builder.

(There are only two attitudes according to the Tradition: Build or Plant)

GOD/Devil, Who are you? Just a Human?

This is a small story. There used to be a guy, lets call him Lucifer. Yeah, Lucifer, Fallen Angel. But no, this is not the same Lucifer whom all the world know as a Fallen Angel, who revolted against the God.

Our Lucifer had many friends. Many of them use to rely upon him, for advice to counseling. He use to help them with his advice. He was all jolly and fun loving guy as well as serious guy inside. He like tending injuries of his friend, not physical but emotionally, where injuries always leave the invisible scars behind. (He could also try to heal the physical injuries, but then, he never dealt with them, as no such kind of cases reached him. :P). Though its different story, that very few used to come to him. As he always created a shell around him, which he allowed very few to come inside. Its not like he had stopped the rest, but he just wanted others to realize that their is a shell. Yeah, he always creates images of his as a person whom no one can trust, he is all stupid and jolly guy. He is not a sensible guy, and he never can be. This was his image outside his shell. He always enjoyed this when people use to point this out, and he used to laugh at himself.

One day, one of his friend (lets call him X) who know about his shell, was having conversation with him.
X: "Who is GOD, Human, and Devil?"
Lucifer: "Every one is God, Human and Devil."
X: "What the hell you mean by that?" (Sign of astonishment was on his face).
Lucifer: "Inside everyone of us, there resides God, Human and Devil." (Smiling)
X: "So?"
Lucifer: "Becoming God is way to difficult, mind it, not Impossible, but then for many, it becomes so much, that they start to believe, that God is someone else, and to achieve him is impossible, inspite of realizing that God resides within you."
X: "What about Devil and Human?"
Lucifer: "Well, becoming Devil is too easy, don't you think so. All you have to do is Fall to the darkness and that can be accomplished easily. Now don't ask how, because you also know the answer."
X: "OK, I accept it. So who is Human then?"
Lucifer: "Becoming Human is in between these two paths. Its like, someone who can't become God and neither wanna become Devil chose to stay as Human. Still, attaining Humanity is also difficult, and those who fails to do so, falls into darkness and thus becomes Devil."

X: "So what are you then?"
Lucifer: "I am Devil."
X: "But how?"
Lucifer: "Because I don't wanna be God. And human suffers a lot, because they don't understand humanity and when they fall, they make others suffer as well along with them. Its better that people assume me as Devil then they won't complain either. Yeah, am choosing the easiest path to survive. :D"
X: "But you are so good at making others feel ease when they talk their Heart out to you."
Lucifer: "I just tell them which they don't hear through their heart. All I do is make them hear their Heart, and I say answers which they already know. They suffer because they don't follow the path to attain Pure Humanity and they curse the Devils who makes them suffer, but then little they realize that its their own feelings which is making them suffer. And being a Devil myself, I know this. :)"
X: "So thats makes you Human."
Lucifer: "Remember, always, I am Fallen Angel. I can't become Human. And neither I want to become one. I like this, being Devil and thus I can understand others."
X: "So whats the path to attain atleast Pure Humanity?"
Lucifer: "Always be positive. Whatever happens, happens for some reason. Analyze the situation and extract the Positive part, Learn from it, and leave behind all the negative aspects. That way, your suffering will reduce to nothing. But here, only people fails to accept. They will continue to grieve for all the bad that happened to them, inspite of realizing that things would have been worst. And they should Thank the God, for making them learn something New."
X: "So you do believe in God."
Lucifer: "Yup, I do."
X: "Then why you are Devil?"
Lucifer: "Because, very few listen to the God, rest listen to some Devils like me. Ha Ha Ha. And also, Devil are afraid of Gods you see."
X: "So can I become Devil myself?"
Lucifer: "I will suggest you not to fall. Try to be Human, otherwise we will become Many, and true Happiness will be lost somewhere in time."

I don't know, what to explain thorough this or make you understand. Its something which we all have to understand ourselves. Life is not too easy, neither too hard. But still, we ourselves try to make them hard by repeating the same mistakes and not learning from the past. I am not saying, one should look back at the past, because when you will learn something from some incident, and move on, you will never have to look back. All of us dream to have beautiful life, but very few try to strive for it. And just dreaming and doing nothing becomes the source of suffering gradually and when we do realize it, it already gets too late.

But then I am already a Devil, are you with me as well... Who knows. The answer lies within you only. If your Heart replies, you can't be. Otherwise if you can't hear voice of your Heart, you already are. Welcome to My World.

(You can still hear people screaming, tinkling of chains, whooshing of fire in the Background and someone laughing out loud, as one is going away from the door of Hell.)

Road Ahead, DREAM which may come true.

Aaaahhh... another good day... I feel so... Even after reaching Office late, getting drenched in rain twice, I feel its really a good day... and no, its not sarcasm, its really true.

Yesterday, I finished this book, "the 3 mistakes of my life" by Chetan Bhagat. I was already impressed by his previous books "5 point someone" and "one night @ the call center". But this third book, seriously made some impact. He is so natural at attacking the mind of his reader. Yeah attacking I suppose is the right term as you make your Reader either submit to him, or fight back the urge to continue reading. I continued, I didn't even had to fight back. The life of Govind, and his Friends, it was really heartening to read.

Whatever, point is, what you achieve something is not that important, but how you achieved it, thats what I think is important. Say for example, if a Millionaire's son is handling his Dad's business, what he achieved then. And then, if someone else becomes Millionaire from the scratch, I guess his story would be worth reading, not the story of Millionaire's son.

There is one dream of mine. Its special, and rest all of my ambitions and my goals revolve around this particular dream. Very few knows this. And don't ask me what it is...

Someone ask, "Why you are going for Wild Goose Chase?"
I replied, "Its something I just want to."
He again asked, "But still, what about others?"
I replied, "They won't be affected by this."
He counterattacks, "It may destroy you."
I replied, "I will not let that happen. At the end, if I will achieve, I will be happy. Otherwise, I promise you, I wont be sad. Its just something I need to do."
He again opened up his mouth questioning, "But you also doesn't know, if you will be able to achieve it?"
I replied, "I will never know until I try."

I am really glad to have friends like him, who do cares for me. And I know, they will be the ones who will appreciate me as well.

We don't know what our future holds, what we await at the other end. We can work over it, try to make it possible. Its not a drawing book, where you can paint your dreams. Its just like you are walking a path, somewhere, green pasture, somewhere pebbles. You have to walk and walk, until you reach the other end of the road, other end which is still unexplored. No one has ever been to that place before. So how will you know, what it will be there. Until you reach, until you try, you will never ever be able to know. But just leaving the path in between dreading the worst is just wrong. May be there are hundreds of Dragons waiting for their prey and it may just turns out to be you as their piece of Dinner. But still, you will be able to see the Dragon which none other have seen before. And it may as well is possible, you will be able to become Mighty Dragon Rider.

Do you have it what it takes to walk the road? Its upto you to decide. I may give you dreams, that there is such a beautiful life out there at the other end of the road,or it may be worse. But its upto you to walk the path. Ask yourself, will you be able to walk and will face boldly whatever you will face.

Now if you really want to stride the lane, then what you are waiting for? Pack your Bag, wear your shoes, prepare yourself, hold your Hopes High, and Walk the Lane.

Rain, Gray Clouds, Success, Tea and Bhaaji

Today the weather here in Mumbai is just great... Lil sunshine with drizzling rain. After so many days, here in Mumbai, taking toll of scorching sun, which seriously made me perspire like anything, I felt really good. Rain is drizzling with gray atmosphere, this feeling is not less then awesome. Still, there was use to be the time whence I loved getting drench in the rain, back in Shimla where I completed my graduation. It was just awesome. Now time has changed, when I worry about reaching my Workplace and avoid getting wet, not to fell ill or getting dirty. I don't know how to say about this, but then this aroma of soil getting soaked with drips of rain, is something. Though its nothing compared to what it was used to be in Ranchi (my hometown) and Shimla (my Gurukool). And a suggestion for free, you must try Tea and Pakoras when its raining.

I don't know, but out of nowhere, these thoughts came flying by in my Mind... I think I can share with you all guys. Maybe this is what you guys also feel or alike. I was just wondering whats it takes to be successful. Many says, you have to pay to get successful, in terms of your time, value, love and many other factors. Means how come some sacrifice could let you achieve success? I was having some deep conversation with my Guru. I then put up this question in front of him, that what actually it takes to be successful. Is it sacrifice or what. His answer was something which I felt convincing... and not actually convincing, I felt this must be the true definition.
He told me, it just takes three things:

1. Be Liked: By this he meant, that you should be known... and not only known, you should be liked. You should be liked by your elders, your beloved, your friends, your colleagues, your Boss, your Juniors and all other people around you. Now this is something which is intriguing. Its upto us, how we make ourselves being liked by so many people. Our aura should be strong. Behavior should be good. How you carry on and people should enjoy with you... darn it... so much to do...
2. Be Inquisitive: Now thats something. OK... say, you have inquisitive nature. How come thats gonna help you? Ofcourse it will. After all knowledge is what lets you apply solution correctly. If you don't have any prior knowledge of something, how you gonna handle any project related to that. Hmmm, thats not a problem. I have ample of bytes left in my Brain.
   
3. Have abundance of energy: OK, you are being liked by all, and have a huge knowledge base. But still, if you have less energy to do what it takes, how you suppose you will be able to accomplish some tasks in time. And there it is, you lose important deadline. Also, if you work hard, and then you don't have much energy left with you to spend some time with your own pals, you will start losing your values in front of them. And even after this, you don't get much time to experiment and gather some knowledge, then?. Now this is going to be difficult. I am lazy bum, oooffff...
   

And 4th what I think important is, Time Management. Use your time decisively. Spend them at right moment. Take rest properly, and recharge your batteries. That way, you can move forward.
So its not sacrifice, its management. Hmmmm..... Points

I guess these 4 things are what if done properly, Success is not so far away then.

Now my brain is getting heavy with these kinds of heavy talks. But hey, today is Saturday...its weekend. Just awesome. I am planning to watch some movies at home. Anyone wants to join me? Hey I will arrange some beverages as well. :D

Thoughts, Memories, ERASE, Ctrl+Z

Countless thoughts, countless reasoning. Man, sometimes I feel, why our brain is made so complex. So many memories, some good, some bad ones, all are there. Some fades away as time passes by, some keep persisting when you need them less. There are some memories, which you try to keep intact, which you are very fond of, which you really need to be with you. But there are some memories which you just don't want to exist, still they clung to you like your dark shadow. Always showing up, when you least need them. But then, they are Memories alright.
I wish, we could have Erase command, which upon issuing would delete some unwanted files. I wish we should have been supplemented with ctrl+z. But yeah, I never would like to have something as Come on, there are some precious ones as well, which I don't want to loose. Hey guess what, we are no COMPUTER. Although, we have created one. FORMAT. Charles Babbage must have gone through the same thought process when he was inventing Computer. And may be Konrad Zuse would have thought upon these minute things when he was developing First Programmable Computer. I wish, GOD should have gone through the same Thought Process. But then, he might have not thought that we would have evolved so much, that we would have needed these kind of facilities.
For past two days, I was having this thought revolving in the NEXUS of my Brain, that why we are provoked by some minute actions of others? Why we do not develop some tolerance towards some bad things? If trains get late, we get angry. When it starts raining, some get irritated. When food is served cold, we starts complaining. Means there are so many other such small issues for which we either complain, get irritated/angry. But then we just express our smaller side of emotions for incidents which are far worse then these. If some blasts a bomb (RDX for example, not some Diwali Crackers), we just say, "Hey, have you heard, some terrorist exploded the bomb is this particular place". And thats it. We just forget about it after few minutes. If someone needs help as he/she met accident, we overlook him/her and move on. But why I am writing these? I am also pretty much the same. But still these kind of things do visit me sometimes.

Anyways, I guess I have blabbered a lot. I should return back to my Coding and Testing. Yeah, thats my job. ctrl+(c/x/z/v) with often Delete keys are my life... At least, here I can revert or delete some unwanted files.

A cloud, A Haze, Nothingness

This is my first blog. Supposedly. Still confused, what to blog. All the feelings and emotions, ideas rotating in the Nexus of my mind. All scattered here and there like Cloud. Or is there really something.

For past two days, I was unable to get into my account here in Blogspot. There were some errors you see in my network configuration and I was so engrossed in debugging my Software that I got little time to fix the network issue. Also I was assuming the problem was in the Router. So may be it was the reason that I overlooked error in my own configurations. But when I saw another colleague of mine
accessing the Internet over the same router, then I realized that may be I had made some error. So then I looked into configuration and now its working. (Say out loud) ITS WORKING...

Enough of this drama. Coming back to the title.

Ever felt that sometimes out of no reason, you feel so emotionally overwhelmed that you just want to out, scream out. Still you just can't roll out those small spheres of saline liquid out of the corner of your eyes or make your throat sore with the Scream. There should be some reason, but still your brain is so hazy that you just can't make sure which incident you should catch to vent out. You want to scream but you just can't. Means its my Vocal chord, its my throat, its my Mouth, its bloody my own eyes. All those incidents which affect us emotionally, all become mists, part of those HAZE, which ultimately becomes part of CLOUD. And it doesn't rain often. And after it rains,

Its not CLOUD or HAZE. Its NOTHINGNESS.